When times get a bit hard..

Last night and this morning have been very hard for me. I am not really sure of the cause or if it is maybe a combination of many. I have to admit I didn't help matters by watching "The Last Song" on my i pad once I began feeling this way, especially since it just landed me in a pile of tears. However, I guess the fact that I am a week into my trip and this is the first time that I have felt any sadness or angst is a good thing, but nonetheless I really do hate the feeling.

Beginning yesterday, there became a lot that has been weighing on my mind. Part of my goal of this trip was to spend time reflecting on my life at home in hopes to come to some kind of clarity. Clarity of my direction in my work place, in what I want for myself, and most importantly clarity in my personal relationships. It's a week later and I have scaled a huge volcano, improved my Spanish, volunteered in a preschool and yet when I think about the life that I am returning to in the United States, I feel just as confused and lost as when I left. This trip, with its  intentions laying in a sense of deeper understanding, now feels more like one of running away. 

Another area of angst is this routine that I have created for myself. I have almost never before traveled like I am now; staying in one place for the duration of my trip or taken an almost purely educational track rather than one of exploration. While I have enjoyed every minute of what I have done so far, this morning, I began to have a longing to return to the hostel and adventure life. However, this longing will soon be met because tomorrow completes my week of both classes and volunteering and it will be time for me to decide what to do and where to go next. 

Although these feelings are not fun, it is days like this that make solo travel truly real. There have been many times in my past trips when I have felt similarly and it is these feelings, my reactions and ways I deal with them, are that which cause me to grow the most.

And hey, I'm in this beautiful town of Antigua, Guatemala for goodness sake! Life can't be that bad :)